Once again my heart is broken

17/02/01 - 02/03/11

My sweet princess Dollar is now at rainbow bridge.

She started being sick on and off from about Sept last year, we were at the vets many times. She was given stomach lining fluids which seemed to help her cope with what ever was going on. I changed her diet back to raw meat to remove all wheat from her system in case it was this.

This last month she began to change in herself, not wanting to go for our usual walks, lack of appetite, her coat looked different and her breath was very bad. Back to the vets again we went, she had lost a little weight but not to much to be concerned about. We had full bloods done which mostly came back normal apart from protein which was a little low.

I thought she may have some foreign body in her stomach as she did vomit up an old latex toy/glove in August.

The vet and I decided the next stage would be to have Xrays and scans to see if anything would show up. She was supposed to come home the same night but had a very bad turn for the worse had to stay in over night, she looked so weak, what was taking the life out my little girl? this was all I could think that night.

On the Xrays and scans showed a thickening in her stomach and intestine, it was decided as she was stronger after her night on the drip my vet opened her up to see what was going on and take biopsies from four areas. She came round well from the operation, the vet called us to collect her at 7pm that night, but after we arrived and she greeted us she collapsed on my lap, again she went rapidly down hill. I thought she was gone at one point, its was awful to see her in this way, but we had to give her a chance, again she stayed in on a drip overnight.

The next morning my vet rang to say after his initial fright that she looked like she had gone, she stood up and looked for breakfast.

I collected her later that day, medicines and special high cal food. That night was very bad she kept crying out, I questioned myself, what I have put her through but then thought what if its nothing much and is found to be treatable. The vet had already said he was unable to remove this affected part as it was so low down in the stomach.

We had a five day wait for the results, bless her she had to have her back feet bandaged as she was ripping at her wound, I had to syringe food into her month as she just did not want to eat. She would go into the garden and just stare. My heart was aching so much, what do I do, do I wait, do I already really know the out come is not good, but I was hoping that I was wrong. I did struggle to watch my little princess fade before my eyes. She seemed not to have any fight for what was going on with her.

The results came on Wednesday, Gastric Carcinoma in three out of the four areas. Vet confirmed it would be days.

I needed to digest this before I could make the only decision that knew had to be made, I said I would ring that afternoon.

I removed her pink badges from her back feet, put all the dogs in the van with her and went for our last outing together. She was so weak, we only manged a little plod, but the sky was blue, the sun was shinning, the birds were singing, I knew it was time to let her find peace and be out of pain.

Having seen my sister die so slowly over several weeks, giving an animal rest always seems to give me comfort knowing that that animal is no longer suffering, it is the last kind thing I can do.

I will still questioned myself was it right what she went through, but know she is at peace now.

Love and miss you so much my gentle little princess. Run free at rainbow bridge with your friends. xx